the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
