dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
