The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
