Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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