For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I need to calm my uterus...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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