do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
