They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
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I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
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How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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