wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Verdict: uncircumcised.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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