Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
