My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
