dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
