Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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