the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
