Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
