i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
