No I am not eating basil off your cock
he laminated a picture of his dick.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
