Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
