sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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