i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
