we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
