So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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