Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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