So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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