Dual....:-)
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
