Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
