i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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