yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize