he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
