drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
