dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
