Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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