THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
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hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
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I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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