i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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