Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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