If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
