Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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