Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Your penis caused this!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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