At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
