Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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