Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
