You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
