can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
