Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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