shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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