Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
