I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
