cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
