i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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