chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
