Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
