my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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