the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Randomize
