the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
