Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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