You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
