mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
