Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
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I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
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He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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