her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
