Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
