we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
