I think i peed on brittanys purse
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
