Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
