Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
