That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
